So, I was in this bar one time. . .
It was named “Dicks Place”. Everyone called it “Dicks”. As I walked in, I quickly realized that Barry and Bob (who are 60ish brothers) were about a dozen drinks ahead of me. I had no intention of catching up.
They decided they were hungry. Dicks doesn’t serve food, but, if you walk out the back door, there is a pizza joint about 40 steps away from any of the barstools.
Barry says, “Bob, I’m a gonna order a steak sammitch, ya want anything?”
Bob says, “Yeah, man, half a steak hoagie.
Barry responds, “Okay. I’ll order a whole steak hoagie, then I’ll give you half. Then, I’ll order another half a steak hoagie for me.”.
Now, remember that the pizza shop is no more than 40 steps away. You can walk there in mere seconds – Trust me. I’ve made that walk a hundred times. But, Barry decided it would be easier to call in his order.
He frisks himself looking for his phone. He finally find it, and begins to peck away a the touch screen to locate the number of the pizza shop. He finally finds it.
Pizza shop: Hi, Local Pizza Shop. May I take your order?
Barry: Hey, this is Dick down at Barry’s. I wanna order some hoagies.
Pizza shop: You’re a dick?
(Note: Barry’s phone is on speaker an turned to max volume. I recognize the voice as the son of a family I’ve known for 50 years).
Barry: No. I’m not a dick. In at dicks trying to order a hoagie.
Pizza Shop: What kind of hoagies do would you like?”
Barry: I want a whole steak hoagie, and a half a steak hoagie. I’ve had dental work done, so I need half of that whole cut into quarters, so that’s three pieces, and that half cut into quarters, so that’s two pieces too”.
Pizza Shop: So, you want a whole steak hoagie cut into four pieces, and a half a steak hoagie in one piece”.
Barry: No. That whole needs to be in three pieces, and that half needs to be in two pieces”
Pizza Shop: Okay, so, I’m gonna give you a whole hoagie, cut into a half and two quarters, and a half a hoagie cut in half, right?”
Barry: “Yeah, can you deliver to Dick?”
Pizza Shop: “Yeah Dick, we’ll have those hoagies right over to you”.
About 15 minute later, the saloon door swings open. In walks the guy who was on the phone in the Pizza shop. As he walks by me, he says, “Hey, how are you. Did you hear that drunken dick on the phone?”
(names have been changed to protect the innocent)