Month: June 2019

A few years ago I ended up in a conversation with an Eat and Park waitress in Banksville road.  She said, “Man, this job is really stressful.”. 

I said, “How long have you been a server here?”

“28 years”.

I said, “You should have it down to a science by now.”.

“I do, but they just changed the menu.”

“What changed?” I asked.

“Well they just changed the steak and eggs breakfast.  It used to be a small T-Bone steak and a two eggs.   It’s now a burger patty and two eggs.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad”, I responded.

“Yeah, but the customers are expecting a steak and they get a burger, then they start bitching up a storm!’

I said, “Uh – when they order it, why don’t you tell ‘em about the change before you put the order in.  Then, they have a chance to change it before they start complaining’.

“Huh.  That’s a good idea”.

My daughter spent a large portion of her teenage years playing on high class soccer teams (read “Expensive”).

We were on the lower end of the teams socioeconomic spectrum. There were architects, podiatrists, thoracic surgeons, dermatologists, miscellaneous flavors of captains of industry and at least four college professors. And then there was us – Yunzers!

Those of you who know me know that I have a head full of odd trivia, awkward history, and a bullet proof sense of humor.

I got into a conversation with one of the professor dads. Turns out he taught French literature at a large nationally known division one university. I said, “The only French novel I recall reading is Nana by Emile Zola.”

In an astonished voice, he blurted out, “You’ve read Nana?”

“Yes. Twice actually. Once in college and once about 8 years ago.”.

“What did you think of it”, he asked.

“Well, It was a rags to riches story of the underbelly of late 17th century French society with a terribly tragic end. I also think that Dan Brown used Nana as a prototype for his American southern gothic novel ‘Fay’.”

He said, “That’s quite astute”.

I said, “Thanks, I’m trying to become a genius”.

He said, “Interesting. I need to ask – What objective criteria are you relying on to measure your progress toward being a genius?”

I said, “I was kidding,” and walked away.

Living in the same neighborhood forever does have some advantages. 

About 8 years ago, I was giving my daughter a driving lesson.  She was driving;  I was riding shotgun.  As we left our subdivision, we approached a T.  I’ll admit that It’s not like she was making a left onto a major interstate, but she was making a left onto a road that is a fairly busy thoroughfare through our part of town. 

At this T, the traffic to the left had a stop sign. The traffic to the right was coming up a hill and did not have a stop sign.

She looked both ways and said, “I’m gonna pull out now.”

I said, “No.  Wait. This guy coming up the hill is drunk as Hell.  He’s gonna make a left and come right past you.  Sit still and let him make his way around you.”

The white Dodge pick up make a left and came just past her window.

All was good and she made her left.

In about 30 seconds we came to a red light.  As we sat at the light she said, “Dad, I want to be a good driver.”

I said, “That’s good, Honey.   That makes me Happy”.

She said, “No, Dad, I want to be a good driver!”

I said, “That’s great, kid.  You’ll be a fine driver.”

She said, “Then, you need to teach me what you know about driving!”

I said, “I am teaching you what I know.

“No you’re not”

“Yes I am”

“You’re not”

“Hey, what am I not teaching you?”

“That guy back there.  I need to know how you knew he was drunk so that I can tell who is drunk while I’m driving.”

I said, “His name was Ned.  He drinks all day every day.  He’s always drunk.”

The light changed and she pulled out.