In my entire life I’ve only ever bought one pair of underwear.
it’s just the way my life worked out, When I was a kid my mom bought my underwear. I got married young and my wife buys my underwear (glamorous job, huh?).
But, there was a brief moment in college when I needed a pair of underwear. I walked into Crooks Clothing in Clarion. A salesman approached me.
“May I help you?”
“Yes, I need a pair of Underwear”
I followed him across the store to a display of Munsingwear, which, unbeknownst to me at the time, was a brand of men’s underwear. He extolled the virtue of Munsingwear being among the finest underwear a man could buy.
I chose a size and a color. I paid for them and headed back to my apartment.
In the following day or so, I unwrapped my new underwear and put them on. That’s when I noticed and oddity.
See, in most men’s underwear, the fly is vertical. On these fancy new self-purchased underwear, the fly was horizontal. Like parallel to the ground. I had never bought underwear before. I figured it was a new and improved design.
I wore them around all day.
I washed them and wore them another day.
What I learned as that at every move, that horizonal fly made EVERYTHING fall out. I was flippin’ and floppin’ all over campus while adjusting myself more than a baseball player.
I haven’t bought a pair of underwear since.